Keeping it Real with a Fake Tree

Here's Sammy before his '09 Christmas dance. You can't even tell the tree behind him is fake!

I have been accused of being a Scrooge. Not because I don’t have Christmas spirit. I have plenty. My house is attractively decorated. It has been since the Saturday after Thanksgiving. In fact, every year I am the only one who willingly puts up the Christmas decorations. There are helpers, but they have to be shamed or coerced into helping. My house is festive and full of Christmas cheer. I give and receive presents with a minimal amount of griping and make my annual white Chex mix not only for friends, but my family as well. So why am I called a Scrooge? It’s because we have an artificial Christmas tree. I don’t know when it became taboo to have a tree that doesn’t grow in the ground. I grew up with artificial trees and don’t really see what the big deal is. I’ve heard all of the reasons. One is that you don’t have the pine smell. Honestly, I prefer the cinnamon smell to pine which I can get from pinecones at Joann’s and from candles. One friend said that the trees look different every year. Mine looks different every year too, depending on which way I bend the branches. I don’t have to tromp through the snow to find a tree. My tree always comes from the same place…the attic and I never even have to put my boots on. I have tried real trees so I know what I’m missing. When we built this house with our high ceilings, I stated that I wanted a huge, tall, real tree. It was huge all right and low to the ground. What I found out was that there are special conditions that go along with the smell and beauty of a real tree. It has to be watered. No one braved being poked in the eye by razor sharp needles to crawl under the tree with a jug of water (only to dump ½ of it on the floor) but me. I found that a tree dries out quickly and the needles tinkle off the tree like a Charlie Brown tree every time you bump it. The final reason I was not satisfied with my beautiful real tree was the sap. After taking our tree down that year I was not only met with left over needles impaling my feet, but with my socks sticking to the sap globs in my brand new carpet. After a Christmas lesson on the down sides of having a real tree, my husband and I stumbled upon the best after-Christmas sale we had ever been to. Artificial trees were 75% off!  Right there in Lowe’s I had found my little slice of heaven. It’s a glorious and festive 7 foot artificial tree that may or may not melt if put too close to the fireplace.  And from the road, it looks real to everyone driving by. Nobody but Scrooge could tell it’s a fake.

Published December, 2011