T-shirts, shoes: Same difference

This is one of the t-shirt quilts my mom made for Tom.

After the overwhelming response I got from last month’s column, I felt it would be fitting to write a follow-up. The parent of one of my students came up to me during meet-the-teacher day at school and the first thing he said was “No, I don’t understand the shoe thing. My wife has about 50 pair of shoes!” Once I figured out what he was talking about (Oh yeah- I write a monthly column!), it suddenly occurred to me that my husband has a t-shirt collection that easily rivals my vast assortment of shoes. So of course I told him that. But I couldn’t get that out of my mind because it seems like women get called out on our shoes, but we choose not to talk about that dirty little secret which is a man’s vast array of t-shirts. It might not always be on purpose, like Michelle’s husband who has acquired his through various events sponsored by his work, which usually get passed on to his son. What I am talking about here is those who hoard t-shirts. Every memory must be sealed through the purchase of a commemorative t-shirt. Jeff Foxworthy once said “You can find out anything you ever wanted to know about a redneck by his t-shirt collection.” Although a guy doesn’t necessarily have to be a “redneck” to have this type of collection. My friend Kari was losing the battle with what seemed to be hundreds of 100% cotton memories that her husband was not willing to part with. She did manage to free up some dresser space when she convinced him to preserve those memories with a t-shirt quilt. When I found myself being squeezed out of my precious shelf space in our closet with yet another Harley-Davidson t-shirt, my mom offered to make Tom a quilt. That was all we needed to be able to do a clean out of sorts. My mom put together two amazing quilts with what he had reluctantly sacrificed. I guess the thing that kept cropping up when I put the question to a Facebook poll, was that these men just won’t get rid of shirts without a fight, even if they really only wear a few with the rest permanently being squished by the weight of the more beloved shirts. When we say “You never wear these, so why don’t you get rid of them?” we usually find ourselves accused of trying to destroy precious memories. Tom still accuses me of getting rid of the shirt he got in the Bahamas when he was twelve and I forever stand by the argument that it just disintegrated in the wash, captured by the lint trap in its final moments. Whether its shoes or shirts, no one is innocent here. So if your husband or significant other makes yet another unnecessary comment about that Payless bag in your hand, simply repeat those famous words from country singer Miranda Lambert: “We’re just like you, only prettier.”