The Phenomenon of the Extra Kid

When someone said the average family has 2.5 children, I think I know what he meant. We have two kids.  When Tom and I decided to stop at two kids I thought it was a good idea at the time. I was a working mom and I convinced myself that I shouldn’t have more kids to simply put them in daycare. A year after we made the decision “final” I began to struggle. Had we been too hasty? I struggled for years with that decision even to the point of looking into adoption. But what I didn’t realize is that I didn’t need to beat myself up too badly. All I had to do was wait for the extra kid. Our family is really no different than most. I think most parents can agree that there is usually at least one extra kid hanging around at one time or another. When I was growing up Chris was our extra kid.  She called my mom and dad “Mom and Dad.” She ate dinner at our house 2-3 times a week and spent the night at least once a week. Tom’s extra kid was Brian. Tom spent a lot of time at Brian’s house and Brian went on sailing trips with Tom’s family.  If you’re still not sure what I mean, the extra kid I’m talking about is the one who is around much of the time. The extra kid is the one who is at the house so much that your grocery bill is affected. He even knows where the sheets are so he can make up his couch when he stays. You have stopped saying “Make yourself at home” because he already does. This is also the kid who is around so much on weekends that if he isn’t there you start to wonder where he is. In addition to that the kids don’t even ask if he can come over anymore. He is just suddenly here with a friendly “Hey Ms. Hovie, Mr. Hovie.”  He also becomes part of the family routine. He brings in the groceries, takes his plate to the sink, and feeds the dog or helps with the dishes if he’s asked to. You also just figure that the unidentifiable clothes in the laundry belong to him. Our extra kid is even in line for hand-me-down clothes. There are many advantages to having this additional part-time family member. He loves everything I cook. He is always polite and never gets mouthy.  Actually it’s really the ideal situation. We’ll miss him when he leaves home, but won’t have to pay for college. We’ll attend his wedding but won’t have to pay for that either. So if you’re young parents wondering if you made the right decision to stop having kids all you have to do is wait. Your extra kid will be along in no time and you’ll love him like he’s one of your own. I know I do.

Jay is our "extra kid" on the left.