The Phenomenon of the Extra Kid

When someone said the average family has 2.5 children, I think I know what he meant. We have two kids.  When Tom and I decided to stop at two kids I thought it was a good idea at the time. I was a working mom and I convinced myself that I shouldn’t have more kids to simply put them in daycare. A year after we made the decision “final” I began to struggle. Had we been too hasty? I struggled for years with that decision even to the point of looking into adoption. But what I didn’t realize is that I didn’t need to beat myself up too badly. All I had to do was wait for the extra kid. Our family is really no different than most. I think most parents can agree that there is usually at least one extra kid hanging around at one time or another. When I was growing up Chris was our extra kid.  She called my mom and dad “Mom and Dad.” She ate dinner at our house 2-3 times a week and spent the night at least once a week. Tom’s extra kid was Brian. Tom spent a lot of time at Brian’s house and Brian went on sailing trips with Tom’s family.  If you’re still not sure what I mean, the extra kid I’m talking about is the one who is around much of the time. The extra kid is the one who is at the house so much that your grocery bill is affected. He even knows where the sheets are so he can make up his couch when he stays. You have stopped saying “Make yourself at home” because he already does. This is also the kid who is around so much on weekends that if he isn’t there you start to wonder where he is. In addition to that the kids don’t even ask if he can come over anymore. He is just suddenly here with a friendly “Hey Ms. Hovie, Mr. Hovie.”  He also becomes part of the family routine. He brings in the groceries, takes his plate to the sink, and feeds the dog or helps with the dishes if he’s asked to. You also just figure that the unidentifiable clothes in the laundry belong to him. Our extra kid is even in line for hand-me-down clothes. There are many advantages to having this additional part-time family member. He loves everything I cook. He is always polite and never gets mouthy.  Actually it’s really the ideal situation. We’ll miss him when he leaves home, but won’t have to pay for college. We’ll attend his wedding but won’t have to pay for that either. So if you’re young parents wondering if you made the right decision to stop having kids all you have to do is wait. Your extra kid will be along in no time and you’ll love him like he’s one of your own. I know I do.

Jay is our "extra kid" on the left.

Spring Break RV Style

We have not been known for our outstanding family vacations. To tell you the truth, when the four of us return from a family vacation speaking to each other, we deem it a success. Because of this, our family vacations are either brief (no more than two days) or spaced several years apart. I don’t know why cramming the four of us into a vehicle for more than 2 hours brings out the worst in us. I mean, we should be able to travel and have a relaxing time, but for some reason it doesn’t seem to work out that way for us. It was with some trepidation that we told Robby that we would take him wherever he wanted to go on his senior spring break. We were relieved when he chose Florida because we are familiar with that state and how to get there, but nervous because that would mean 25 hours in a cramped car together which at times has been a deal-breaker. We tried to avoid that by looking at airfare, but the prices were not within our anticipated budget. So we decided to try renting an RV. The other problem we have is that the four of us all have completely different ideas of what fun is. As the trip approached I suffered a couple of migraines worrying that we just wouldn’t be able to come to any sort of agreements about where we would go in Florida or what we would do. Tom surprised me the most saying that it would be “great” and that he was excited to go.  We had one spirited (to say the least) family meeting about our activities and settled on a few different things to do. I was actually looking forward to ride in the RV. I had daydreams of whipping up a delicious meal while we tooled down the highway. I quickly realized that my imagination had obviously gotten the better of me. The night before we left I had an attack of vertigo and found myself mostly confined to the front seat.  Moving around in an older RV heading down the highway is far from smooth sailing. It’s more like hurricane sailing. I didn’t get sick, but I have a variety of bruises from being thrown around as Tom kept us from getting sucked into the path of a passing semi or rear-ending someone in the bumper to bumper stop and go traffic in Indianapolis. Since we could usually go no faster than about 63 miles per hour, the trip to Florida took about 5 hours longer than expected. But a funny thing happened. We all got along. It’s amazing to me that a little space and an on-board bathroom does wonders for peoples moods. We got some much needed R&R and quality family time. I can honestly say that we had a good trip. Actually, I’d have to say it was outstanding.